michele
How are you doing?
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ali
Well it's like this Michele, not so good.  Thank you for asking.

I had a sudden break down yesterday when I could not stop sobbing.  It was a long, dramatic, loud production and I was glad that no one was around to be terrified by my behavior.   Yes it is about my dog.  Most people would have had their dog "put to sleep" by now but Jerry is alert he has a good appetite and his personality is as it always was.  He just can't walk.  
I don't remember if I told that I had to have my son come to town to help me take him to the vet on a Saturday - a week or so ago.  Jerry couldn't pee.  That is serious and I was pretty sure it was the end.  But the vet knows what I'm like with the cats and dogs and she drained his bladder and after thinking for awhile she gave me some pills.  She told me these might allow the sphincter muscle to relax so he could urinate again on his own.  Well - the pills have worked for sure.  He drains almost constantly - tries to hold it and then he just lets go. 
We weighed him at the vets and he is down to 90 pounds and that is still to heavy for me to manage.  And apparently it is too much for Jerry to manage.  He absolutely refuses to go outside.  With my help he has been able to go out but now he actively resists leaving the house.  I keep his bed covered in all the towels I have.  He'll crawl out of his bed if it's wet, and that is what he did yesterday and then he created an enormous yellow lake in the front room.  I've never seen anything like it.  I thought he was peeing on the towels but that must have just been leaks and then - the damn broke. 
So I know what is easiest for me physically but emotionally I can't justify it.  God damn life is hard for someone like me who feels the feelings of animals so deeply.  My parents raised six children and it seems like I got all the animal empathy because the rest of them never gave a shit!  Not even a little bit.  I often wish more people could empathize with animals and at the same time I wish I did not.  It's a painful condition to live with. 
There is no one that can make the decision for me.  He is not in pain but if there comes a time when he is then there is my decision.  I won't let him suffer.  If he quits eating or gets an infection - he's a goner. 
I am constantly washing towels and mopping the floor.  I have one towel that I have kept for myself. 
Oh Michele - again - thank you for asking.  Now you know more than you ever cared to know.   
And God said "let there be light".
Then General Electric pushed him out of the way and the era of Corporate America was born to rule the universe.
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Nicky
Oh Ali... that is so sad! But you're keeping him as happy as he can be and doing so much for him. Can your son still help out? Can you buy some of those pee pads that puppies use? Or are there incontinence pads / diapers for older dogs? I'm so sorry - it's heartbreaking.
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michele
Oh, Ali.

Nicky's ideas are good. I would also suggest taking Jerry's water away at night like you do with puppies - no water after 8:00, so he can last a bit longer.

Can your daughter be with you, Ali? I don't want you to be alone when things are so hard.

It's heartbreaking. The good news is that Jerry's not in pain (I'm glad that you won't let him be) and that you have a little more time with him. Keep us informed (if you feel like it, that is) and give Jerry a big hug for me.

He will let you know when he's ready. You are here for him, and that's what matters. That's what I always tell myself when things get tough with my dad. Be strong for Jerry.
xo

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ali
I've tried pee pads.  There is nothing big enough.  If I put several down then he accidentally moves them and they are messed up and useless.  
He doesn't drink as much water as he should so I leave it out.  He finds it too hard to get to most of the time so I move it near him.  
I'm resigned to the towels and a mop.  He deserves a good life at all times.  Even when it is difficult and when it is over I will be glad I did it.  
I've done it wrong so many other times with my animals that this time I'm doing it right.  
My daughter is busy with her job and kids.  My son drove in last night after work to stay and visit with us for awhile.  He left late and had to pull over to sleep as he found himself too tired to trust himself.  Today he worked from 6 am to 4:30 pm, the usual.  He cries as much as I do.  My daughter - not so much. 
(I've also tried a diaper.  It does not stay on at all.) 
I have learned that if on the very slight chance I ever get a dog again - it will be small.  Big dogs have challenges that I find difficult to handle.
I did not choose to get this dog and bring him home all those years ago.  But we ended up together and now he is leaving and he was worth every second. 
Thank you for the suggestions and the caring.  Especially when I know some of you are dealing with difficult times too.   
And God said "let there be light".
Then General Electric pushed him out of the way and the era of Corporate America was born to rule the universe.
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