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JIMMUH

Dudettes/Dudes
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Reply with quote  #1 
     I apologize for being so behind schedule, but I've just been overwhelmed lately, and my calender of "To-Do" lists, and "To-Offend" lists just kept getting pushed back, and back.... and I'm just trying to play "Catch-up, here, so prease bear with me.
     I just wanted to start out by sharing our recent experience with a Foreign-Exchange Student  that our family has been hosting for the last 4 months.  He's a really nice kid, name of Toshiwah  Watanabe, from Osaka, Japan.  In (in the U.S. schools) the 11th grade.  Smart as a whip. 
     Very polite.  Hates Jeff Bridges movies (a plus with ME right away, of course).
     ANYhoo, to make a short story even more drawn out and boring....  Toshi (for short, mittout der "WA", cause I'm lazy, and he answers to it, so what the hey)...was helping me to nail up a 1/2 By 12 foot piece of siding on a shed in my back yard the other day, both of us driving nails with hammers from opposite ends simultaneously, when I heard a "Thwap" instead of a ""thunk" meaning a thumb had gotten smacked instead of a nail-head.  Wasn't MY thumb, by the way.
     Immediatly following was a string of loud, unintelligible (to me, anyways) screaming, followed by a loud clear, and distinct, " Son-Of Bitch!"
"Mother-Fuck!"
     I asked "You okay over there, Toshi-Baby?"
Apparently he was, (no blood, slight swelling).  So I began to launch into my life-lesson for the day.
   (Here's where people usually get a clue to start rolling their eyes, just in case you don't know me)....
     "Toshi-baby" I said....that musta hurt like a sumbitch.
But yer in America now, and when ya go injurin' yerself or falling on an ice-patch er sumpin',  this "expletive-undeleted" crap just ain't gonna fly any better than General Tojo's plane that got shot down in flames in the 40's with the bespectacled-bastard still aboard, over the Pacific....Capice'?
"Cuh....Peechee?"  he replied.
No,no, and NO! Haven't you been watchin' them "Soprano's" dvd's I been loanin' yer ass?
     Luckily, I'd been drinking heavily already that day, and so didn't launch into a self-righteous diatribe against the poor, foreign laddie.
     "Look, I says.  'Son of bitch and mother-fuck is okay, I guess, where YOU come from, iff'n yer with a group of yer pals and tryin' to impress 'im with all the neat "melikan"-crap ya picked up over here.
     But you have to understand something, a basic, concrete difference, between "cursing".... in "English"
and
"Cussin'" in AMERICAN!"
     (Just check with Nicky on this one iff'n youse don't believe me).........
I went on to mentor mine  throbbing-thumbed little progeny...."Ya see, if you was in like, Manchester England, or some sorry-assed place like that, and ya went and whacked yer hitch-hiking-digit with a steel claw-hammer, you MIGHT (MAYbe mind you)....be forgiven for uttering nothing more than a "Son-of-Bitch"....or, most likely, a "I say, old bean....I  do believe I have gone and injured one of my opposible-thumbs which distinguishes us from the lower-primates", or some other such typical Brit-rubbish.
But THIS....is AMERICA!
The next half-hour was him and me practicin' phrases that are unprintable or repeatable here, so, go do something useful and stop gawking at a computer monitor all day and reading about Celebrities.  When was the last time you cleaned behind yer refrigerators?
I mean, HONESTLY now?
Be happy.
Be good.
BE boycotting them Bridges-flicks.


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ali

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Dudettes/Dudes
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Reply with quote  #2 
I'd read this Jimmuh but it's too long.

Someone let me know it it's offensive. 
If it is - Jimmuh you should be ashamed of yourself. 
If it isn't - I'll read it.


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Then General Electric pushed him out of the way and the era of Corporate America was born to rule the universe.


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Reply with quote  #3 
Jimmuh,
I laughed my ass off!  Some good fun reading here, thanks!  It reminded me of the time I was in Africa trying to teach a  young French girl how to say the "f" word in Americanese.  We had a belly roll laugh working on that because all she could muster up was fook-ah, always a little quiet "ah"  at the end as if it was spelled, f__ke, you know?  Like the name, Sabine, Sah-bean-ah, fookah!  HA HA.



It's not offensive Ali, it's actually pretty good piece of short story writing! and some good chuckles besides.


Is this a true story Jimmuh?


ambrosia



CoyoteRoy

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Debbie
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Reply with quote  #4 
Yes Ali, it is offensive. But, compared to the shit Jimmuh used to post back in the day, it's Sunday School in December. So, maybe it's an acquired taste. But, music to the ears of the true aficionado. Truth is, it warms my heart every time Jimmuh posts one of his neo-hunter-esque ramblings. Yes indeed, too infrequent in my book!

I've run out of sentenses I can start with one or two words and a comma. So now, I'll sign off. Doh!

Keep the Faith Baby!
  Coy Roy


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Reply with quote  #5 
hi CR,
I didn't find it offensive.  What does that say about me, HA.  Why is it offensive to you CR?  just wondering.  Yes, this is the first post of Jimmuh's that I was able to read all the way through and enjoy, so maybe I'm the oddball huh?

ambrosia
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