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carolkuk

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Reply with quote  #1 
Hello to everyone,

Thank you to everyone on this site for bearing with me through pain.  I would love to tell you that all my entries are not the best version of myself, but to say that would be a lie.  I was just myself in my moments of pain.  And, I reached out to you guys in pain, responded out of pain, read each post through the eyes of pain. I thank you for letting me be me in pain.

Pain is universal.  I know I represent a persistent tantrum on this site. I just didn't know why my dad liked Jeff Bridges so much.  Now I know, you guys are as true to Jeff as my dad was.  I just didn't want to believe it.  I was trying to tear Jeff down at the same rate that my dad was dying.  I'm not proud of this, but I own it.  

You see, my dad always lived his life as The Dude.  At his funeral, people said he was the most mild mannered, even-tempered, wonderful man that they ever knew.  AND, he attracted life events that can rival anything in The Big Lebowski.  I guess that's why I just had one last tantrum online about the Coen Brothers.  In my eyes, the writing could be better(SMILE).

In his eulogy, all that was said centered on my Dad as a bowling alley and race horse owner.  The Big Lebowski and Seabuscuit mirrored.  And, we had Seabuscuit on constant loop until my dad passed.  

My dad passed peacefully, in the home he had built for my mom as a wedding gift, surrounded by the thunderous sounds of Seabuscuit, and Chopin in the background.  

you see, I couldn't destroy Jeff at the same rate that my dad was dying.  But my pain elevated my awareness.  We don't have to destroy people mentally to feel alive.  We need to feel it all.  We need to accept that we're the smallest horse.  And, we need to boldly walk into a silent grocery store one day, and get an ingredient for our cocktail. Because, it's okay.

And then, 

Life goes on.........



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